short and unsweetened

so you want to consume me 

have me

eat me, some would say

but I'm no sweet girl 

starved myself completely of sugar

because it feeds your cancerous desires 

I will be no addict for your survival

get Out of me

 

I don't want to write you down

I want to let this pass through me and shrivel with time

slowly forgetting the nightmare, sponging away the trauma

from my chalk dusted memory with care

 

I don't get to choose to remember your good moments 

you see, the knots in my throat are tightly tied with tears of your abuse

clawing open my abdomen and taking without restraint

draining me

gutting me

 

I don't want to put my story in the open 

or let it off my chest

I'd rather it stay locked in a box with a chain and no key

that monster, your disease

 

so please don't sweep me off my feet

like I'm some virtuous, young maid

 

I want to stay right here

photosynthesizing the light from children's smiles and foggy theatres

I want to let the symphony recircuit my neurons

feed my tissues with greenery to rebuild anew 

erect, proud, and ferociously alive 

 

Hemingway knew the world breaks everyone 

what he couldn’t was how the cycle of womanhood

breaking and bleeding every single month

makes loss a fine-tuned habit and turmoil a well-kept secret

 

Run! get Out of me

I'm stronger than you and your bruises

and not as easy as you may fantasize at dusk 

take my hair and my vision and I'll have love to spare

 

sshhhhhhhhh

hush now, 

the sun is dyeing the sky juicy tangerine

& it's a better view from way down here

/